The name wasn’t forgotten but forgotten was the name.
And if you don’t remember what they look like, did they even exist? Did you forget past that point in time? I think so, I can’t remember what they look like, but I can’t recall why I don’t remember, if there was ever a reason. I think maybe I’m so used to this routine, where I only remember those around me for the most part of my life. If you said the name I’d say I know them, because I do, but I can’t remember why, so don’t ask me what they look like. You’d say she has red hair, I thought she had it brown, or did she? I can’t remember. Even if i saw her yesterday, I can’t remember, and I don’t recall why. I don’t think there ever was a reason.
You’d say Bonnie, I can’t remember that name, I can’t recall what she looks like, but I have a feeling I know her. If you asked what I look like, I don’t think staring at my hands would help, I’d need a mirror, or a camera. Sometimes I feel like I can recall things, when I try nothing comes out. The mirror doesn’t feel like its me, the world doesn’t feel real, and during those times I remember, I remember it feels fake. I remember the earth goes round, gravity keeps me in place, then I almost fall over, because I realize we are not on the ground, what is the ground?
And it happens almost everyday, that my brain might be one to look past the tiny circle of a world we live in, I haven’t met many who do so. When I look at my wrist, I see the veins, and I feel sick. Because you could die, if those arteries broke, and its not a matter of losing your hand, but a matter of the pressure. You can get an aneurysm at any time, so who tells you the body isn’t literally glass. I realize, it could happen at any time, and I feel sick, sick to my stomach. When I think about it, I don’t feel safe with my body, what if I am not being gentle enough? What if it breaks, who will come to stop the bleeding?
Does Earth make sense? And before you answer this question I may ask, think about it for a second, because is this our life, or is it mine? How do you know people are real? Because they respond? You can feel them? Yet I can’t help but wonder, how does that define someone? Is it cut down to that they can feel? But you can’t feel what they do, and that scares me. Because one day you might realize, what defines life. Life isn’t just the animals, it is not just earth, not just your experience, but it could be everything, and most importantly something unnameable. It is called life for a reason, there is no word to describe it other than.
Don’t waste it, because when you die there are two options, you live again or never so. It’s a 50/50 chance I wouldn’t test, because either way you won’t be able to tell them, “You are worth it”.
So, the name was me, I remembered my name. But I know this will all happen again tomorrow, and I will forget, then I will remember, a peaceful loop.