Category: Personal Habits

Kid mode vs. adult mode

High school students are at that age where we move from kid mode to adult mode.

When we are kids, the grown-ups lay down our boundaries. Our job as kids is to cross those boundaries as often as possible without getting caught. When we are caught, the grown-ups punish us, shake a finger at us, and say, “Don’t do that again!” As soon as they turn their backs, we start crossing boundaries again. That is normal, healthy behaviour for a kid.

As adults, no one except the police lays down boundaries for us. No one will stop us from staying  up all night, or eating the entire cake. As adults we have to lay down our own boundaries, and we do that by thinking about the next five years, instead of focusing on the next five minutes. When we focus on the next five minutes, we choose what is most enjoyable. When we focus on the next five years, we choose to do something now that will help us be where we want to be, five years from now—even if that means doing something we don’t really enjoy, or something we find difficult.

If you are in high school, you need to shift from kid mode to adult mode, and the sooner you can do that, the happier you will be. Should you do your homework, or play that video game? If you are thinking about where you want to be in five years, you will do the homework and leave the game until your homework is done. And when you make that kind of choice consistently, congratulations!—you will have made the move from kid mode to adult mode.

Why are we doing this?

I think I was in Grade 9 when I began to wonder about the logic of school.

“So,” I thought to myself, “I have to get good grades in middle school so I can do well in high school. I have to do well in high school so I can get into a good university. I have to do well in university so I can get into a good grad school. I have to do well in grad school so I can have a good career, and I have to have a good career so I can finally retire and have a good life. Why don’t I just skip all that and have a good life now?”

There was some merit in my Grade 9 logic. I was objecting, I later learned, to what is called “delayed gratification.”

But I was missing something quite important.

The purpose and value of working hard and giving your best effort has nothing to do with the end results, whether they are grades or university admissions or a highly-paid profession. When we work hard and do our best at everything we do, we develop the habit of working hard and doing our best. If we wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen, we do it well. If we have math homework, we do it as well as we can. If we play basketball or practice the guitar, we give our best effort.

Why? Because being someone with such habits is a big part of having a good life. Not sure about that? Imagine someone who always slacks off, who never really tries. Their kitchen is dirty, their math grades are poor, and . . . no one wants them on their basketball team or in their band.

If you focus on doing your best, whatever you are doing, you will build habits that make your own life better, and you will develop attitudes and behaviour that make other people admire you and want to be around you. The rest of it—grades, schools, jobs—will take care of itself, because whatever you choose to do, you will show up on time, do a good job, and be a valued member of the group.

That’s sounds like a good life to me—and you don’t have to wait until you retire to have it!

Reading, exercising, and brushing your teeth

We all find some activities easy and fun, while other activities are difficult and unpleasant.

Some people, for example, love to read, but hate to exercise.

Other people love to exercise but hate reading.

If you never exercise, your muscles are undeveloped; you become physically unfit and, eventually, unhealthy.

If you never read, your intellect is undeveloped.

People who hate to exercise need to find a way of staying fit that is at least tolerable, and then they need to exercise regularly. People who hate to read need to make the time to read at least a little bit every day, to develop their knowledge and understanding.

You can develop the habit of reading daily, or exercising regularly, or doing anything else that you know you should do, even though you are not naturally inclined to do it.

As an example of how to do this, consider . . . brushing your teeth. At first, you had no teeth. Then you got teeth, but you were too little to brush them yourself, so some caring adult (let’s say your mum, but it could have been your dad, or whoever else was looking after you)—some caring adult brushed your teeth for you. After a while, your mum (or whoever) got tired of doing this and said, “You are old enough to brush your own teeth. Here, hold the toothbrush.” And she taught you how to brush your own teeth. A bit later, you became more independent. “Goodnight, Mum!” “Did you brush your teeth?” “Aw, Mum!” “Get in there right now and brush your teeth!” After a few years of this, you did not need any reminders. You acquired, through simple repetition, the habit of brushing your teeth. And now you would never go to sleep without brushing your teeth.

If you can acquire the habit of brushing your teeth, you can acquire the habit of doing anything else that you know is good for you. At first you may need reminders—your phone, or a caring adult, or a friend. Eventually, you will need no reminders. And your life will be better!

On “being the best person you can be”

The trick is to stop worrying about the future, which is so full of unknowns.

Be the best person you can be right now, today, this hour, this minute. If you do that—if you succeed at that only some of the time—you will find yourself equipped to deal with whatever life brings you, and to create the future you have imagined when the opportunities arise.

At certain moments, however, “being the best person you can be” means being someone who is exhausted, run down, discouraged, out of ideas, completely lacking enthusiasm or inspiration.

At such moments, you need to stop and take care of yourself.

Drink water!

The evidence against sugar has become overwhelming, and anyone who pays attention will want to stop drinking sugar-laced soft drinks and juices. Learning (or re-learning) to drink water, however, can be a challenge. Are you drinking enough water each day to be healthy and hydrated?

Here’s a simple idea that might help:

Every time you eat something, drink a glass of water.

That should be plenty of water.

Two more tips:

  • If plain water is too plain for you, add a slice of lemon or lime, or a few drops of lemon juice concentrate.
  • In China, people don’t drink cold water—they regard it as unhealthy. The huge difference of temperature between cold water and your stomach lining means that the water is absorbed much too quickly. I found it strange, at first, to be offered a warm cup of water every time I was waiting in a shop, but gradually I got used to it, and now the coldest water I drink is room-temperature . . . and I prefer my water almost hot, like tea but with nothing in it. Habits can change!

Sitting is killing you! Maybe.

A very useful infographic on the dangers of sitting, here:

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-2420/Sitting-Is-Killing-You-Infographic.html

and a BBC piece on the same topic:

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-32069698

Vox.com chimes in:

http://www.vox.com/2014/7/2/5862026/sitting-vs-standing-health-risks-dangers

and the New York Times, from 2011:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/magazine/mag-17sitting-t.html

The studies cited in these reports may be overturned or reinterpreted, as studies often are, but it seems clear that standing up every 20-30 minutes, even briefly, is simple good sense. If your school is forward-thinking on this issue, it will have at least some stand-up desks with high stools or chairs, so that students can alternately stand and sit as they like without disrupting the class in any way. If your school has no such desks, talk with your teachers and your principal and see what they say. With or without your school’s support, make a point of moving and changing positions throughout your day. You will feel better, and your brain will work better, if your body is kept in the best possible condition.

Athletes: drink water, not sugar water

Gabe Kapler, former Major League baseball star, explains clearly in this brief post that the claims made by sports drinks like Gatorade are bogus. Even professional athletes do not need sports drinks; for athletes and everyone else, they are just long-term invitations to rotten teeth, obesity, and a host of diseases caused by sugar consumption.

Gabe Kapler

Gabe Kapler is a former Major League baseball player who is now in charge of the L.A. Dodgers’ minor league operations. He has lots of interesting thoughts about health, diet, exercise, and workplace relationships that he shares in brief snippets on this blog. Worth a look. (Note: Kapler does, very occasionally, use salty language that may offend some people.)

http://kaplifestyle.com

Sleep and memory: more evidence

From the BBC:

The mechanism by which a good night’s sleep improves learning and memory has been discovered by scientists.

The team in China and the US used advanced microscopy to witness new connections between brain cells – synapses – forming during sleep.

Their study, published in the journal Science, showed even intense training could not make up for lost sleep.

Experts said it was an elegant and significant study, which uncovered the mechanisms of memory.

It is well known that sleep plays an important role in memory and learning. But what actually happens inside the brain has been a source of considerable debate.

Read the full article here: http://www.bbc.com/news/health-27695144 .

How to feel okay

1. Everyone wants to feel okay.

When we don’t feel okay, we do something to make ourselves feel better. There are good ways, and not-so-good ways, to do this. Good ways include going for a walk, calling a friend on the telephone, eating an apple. Not-so-good ways include making somebody else feel bad, gorging on sweets, or . . . sticking a needle in your arm. Just about all of us make ourselves feel better by using our strengths. If we are good athletes, we go with that. If we are very beautiful, or handsome, we rely on that. If we are very clever, we use that. This natural tendency to go with our strengths can, however, cause problems. For example, the star athlete may stop working at her studies because she doesn’t find the sort of easy, immediate success in class that she does on the playing field. Or the very clever person may alienate the people around him by constantly reminding them how smart he is. How do you make yourself feel okay?

2. Pain is your friend.

Pain is that little guy jumping up and down, waving his arms, trying to get your attention. “Hey, you! Look at me! You’ve got something to deal with here, and something to learn! Pay attention!” People who are not really our friends will give up on us. If we push them hard enough, even people who really love us will finally give up on us. Not pain. You can try to ignore him, run away from him, drown him in booze (or any other distraction you prefer) but he stays right there until you pay attention to him. He is trying to make you pay attention to some sort of problem, to fix it if you can and to learn from it so it doesn’t keep repeating itself. So then the question is . . .

3. What is your problem?

We all have problems. What’s yours? How can you fix it? How can you stop yourself from running into it again and again and again? This is the real work of being human, of growing and learning and developing. Think of a baby, just learning to walk. His problem is, he can’t stand up. Or if he does manage to stand up for a moment, he loses his balance and falls down. Once, twice, three times, ten times. It frustrates him, makes him angry, makes him want to scream, makes him want to cry. If he stops trying and just cries, it will take him much longer to learn to walk. The solution to his problem is patient, determined effort; the only way he can fail is to stop trying. Lots of other problems are just like this—but not all of them. In other cases, doing the same thing over and over again will get you nowhere. In still other cases the problem may be something we cannot change or control. So, what is your problem, exactly, and how can you best deal with it? That’s what you need to find out.

4. We can all use help.

That baby will learn to walk a bit sooner if somebody gives him a hand to hold onto and keep him steady on his feet. You and I will learn from our problems and move on, instead of staying stuck on them, if we get some help from someone who has been there before us, who can see the situation more clearly than we can, who can point us in the right direction. It might be a friend, a family member, a counselor or teacher or therapist or doctor, or a neighbour. Find someone who can help you, and ask for help. If the first person you ask is not the right person, keep searching: someone out there is able to help you and will be happy to do it. Because we all want to feel okay, and one of the best ways to feel okay is to help someone else.