I am the first to wake up. The room is silent. I can only hear the ticking of the clock, and the rhythm of everyone’s breathing. It‘s 8:20am, which means that I got an overwhelming total of 5 hours sleep. Fantastic.
I can’t choose how to feel today. Happy that yesterday’s over? Upset about the information I found out? Hurt because of the bonds that I lost, or maybe didn’t even have in the first place… Perhaps I’ll just be a combination of all three. Having mixed-emotions seems to be my specialty these days. If I’m being honest, at this point, I just feel too tired to even have the desire to sort out my emotions.
Even on the days that I get 13 hours of sleep, I still feel tired. Fatigue is an epidemic among teenagers. School, mixed with extracurriculars, homework, and doing chores leaves essentially no room to have a life, but we stretch ourselves out to a point that we can squeeze one in. But it seems that we never schedule time to sort out how we should feel, versus how we do feel.
Is this the way everyone feels? Am I any different from my friends? Is this normal, but we simply never talk about it because it’s too hard to explain? It’s not even necessarily a bad thing, it’s just… kind of there. I guess we’re just too busy to deal with ourselves; or, maybe I’m just too busy to deal with myself.
It’s now 9:10am, which means I’ve spent almost a full hour thinking about how I don’t think about things. Maybe it’s not that I can’t think about my emotions; it’s that I don’t want to…