Stupid Things Students Say

IB kids are supposed to be knowledgeable and thinkers. Sometimes, we forget that. Here’s a collection of stupid things the English A1 HL class of 2011 has said.

Sean: Is Pride and Prejudice the one with the British dude?
Allyne:
Jane Austen’s books are full of British dudes.

Kevin: I was going to write about The Awakening, but I couldn’t remember Edna’s name.

Jun: Eponymous.
Kevin: Hippopotamus?
Mr. Macknight: Yes, Kevin, a hippopotamus character.

Sean: Did Virginia Woolf write that before or after she drowned herself?

Kevin: Mr. Macknight, were you a hippie?

Mr. Macknight, on how not to write a WL: Gee willikers, Anna Karenina was a good read! When I first picked it up, I couldn’t believe how fat it was!

Mr. Macknight: …Ophelia, who was Hamlet’s squeeze…
Sean: Is “squeeze” the technical term?
Mr. Macknight: It’s a technical term, yes.

Sean: No. I disunvolunteer.
Mr. Macknight: Just for saying you “disunvolunteer”, you’ve volunteered yourself.

Kevin: Queen Gertrude’s gonna be black.
Mr. Macknight: What?
Entire class: Say whaaat?

Chi: Mr. Macknight, what happens when 2 omniscient beings play rock-paper-scissors?
Class starts talking.
Mr. Macknight:
Omniscient beings do not play rock-paper-scissors.

Mr. Macknight: What do we notice about Fortinbras?
Kevin: He’s got swagger.
Sean: Swagga.
Kevin: Sorry, swagga.

Mr. Macknight: …is what distinguishes Harry Potter from trash novels.
Kevin: Trash novel? Mashmallow?

Sean, discussing Hamlet’s banter with Polonius: Oh, I thought he was talking about badly marinated ham.

Kevin, on the play in Hamlet act 3 scene 2: Actually, this could be a pretty good rap too. Rhymes at the end!

Kevin: What’s a rapier?
Mr. Macknight: It’s a fencing sword with a pointed tip.
Kevin: Like a toothpick!

Mr. Macknight talks about memorizing a passage from Hamlet.
Kevin:
I memorized the movie Emperor’s New Groove!

Chi: What’s with this person and “emotional curve”?
Sean: It’s written by a woman.
Class laughs.
Kevin: It’s her menstrual cycle.

Mr. Macknight: What’s Hamlet doing?
Chi: Um, not reading?
Kevin: Beat-boxing!

Kevin, talking about Jun: This is why we sit together. We’re like 2 halves of a whole good student… maybe I’m a quarter.

Sean: It’s like looking through the telescope and suddenly seeing Saturn. Whoooa! It’s got rings!

Kevin: You know what I imagined Mr. Macknight doing? Kamehameha!

Sean: Where can you take too much willow?
Kevin: Smoke the whole tree!

Mr. Macknight, mockingly: I want to reach a heightened state of mind, dude, pass the bong.
Allyne: That’s how he came off to me.

Mr. Macknight: Now you’re getting personal. You’ve never met Keats and you don’t like him?
Kevin: I don’t like Hitler and I’ve never met him.

Allyne: I’m from Tempe!
Mr. Macknight: Aha, she found something she likes!
Allyne: Eh, Tempe kinda sucks.

Kevin:What’s the difference between “mellow” and “melancholy”?
Mr. Macknight: Well, they share only 3 letters. Otherwise they’re not really similar at all.
Kevin: So they’re different?
Mr. Macknight: Well, in fruit –
Kevin: Like, oxidizing?
Class is silent.
Kevin:
You know, turning brown?
Class laughs.
Mr. Macknight:
Oh dear, I’d cry if it weren’t so funny.

Mr. Macknight: If you have your laptop open, it should be open to the class blog and nothing else.
Kevin: Bye, mom.

Allyne: Mr. Macknight, this is my favourite class.
Mr. Macknight: Yeah, it used to be my favourite class.

ShunYang: Snoopy’s not a dog, is he?
Sean: What?! He was a beagle, dude.

ShunYang: I thought he was a giant rabbit.

Sean: What’s a Nawab?
Mr. Macknight: You’ll find out soon.
Sean: Is it some kind of magical creature?

Kevin: Mr. Macknight?
Mr. Macknight: Sir?
Kevin: Do you like the British? Or the English people? Because you’re teaching English?

Kevin: It’s not a true story?
Mr. Macknight: It’s a novel.
Kevin: Holy crap, I was duped!

Mr. Macknight: Why is love associated with the colour red?
ShunYang, reading from A Sketch of the Past: Yeah, “red rose”, “red ruby”…
Kevin: Clifford!
Sean: I love Clifford!
Kevin: He’s so awesome!
Chi: But how did he grow so big? He was so small!
Sean: He was so cute when he was small.
Mr. Macknight shakes his head in defeat.

Kevin, shaking his laptop: I was clipping my toenails and I think I got some stuck in here.

Mr. Macknight: You get these things that seem to act like animals but really are plants, or these plants that seem like plants, but act like animals.
Kevin: Bulbasaur!

ShunYang: Bulbasaur does seem like a plant that acts like an animal.
Kevin: Or an animal with a fungal problem.
Chi: No, that’s Parasect.

Mr. Macknight: Free the house-elves, free the Pokemon. Hermione and I are like… tight.

Ian: Oh man, I keep reading “After Dark Vapours” as “After Darth Vader”. Now I can’t concentrate.
Sean: Where’s Darth Vader?
Jun: On the cover of Hamlet.

Mr. Macknight: Have you heard about the Jasmine Revolution?
Kevin: Does it have anything to do with Aladdin?

Mr. Macknight changes the brightness of a photo of Michael Jordan.
Kevin: Oh no, he’s still black… dude, he’s not chocolate anymore, he’s just night.

Kevin: The name Fagles always makes me hungry.
Chi: Bagels!
Sean: I can’t remember the last time I had a bagel.
Chi: They’re so good.
Kevin: With the cream cheese on top.
Sean: Shut up!

Chi: Who wrote that?
Mr. Macknight: Can’t tell you.
Kevin, to the tune of Can’t Touch This: Can’t tell you. Da na na na… no, that doesn’t work.

Kevin: Are we allowed to laugh in the commentary? Is that a no-no? Is that a taboo?

Kevin: Wait. If the hummingbirds are Mexican, how do they know what the F-word is?

Mr. Macknight, on Paper 1: What did you guys make of that?
Chi: Allyne thinks it’s Communist.
Sean: Wasn’t Disney a Communist?

Mr. Macknight: It’s unclear in the vision what the lion eats.
Allyne: Grass.
Chi: Cat food.
Sean: They photosynthesise!

Mr. Macknight: [The poem] makes us think about life in a very Hardy-esque way.
Sean: Really? I thought it means that decomposition is always an exothermic reaction.

Kevin: Dude, Happiness is the creepy uncle!

Mr. Macknight, on marking WLAs: The guy wrote “Every hero has his achilles’ tendon”.
Kevin: Mmm, that sounds delicious.

Mr. Macknight: [Happiness] can’t be predicted…
Kevin: Like in the bathroom.
Mr. Macknight: …it can’t be controlled.
The class is in hysterics.
Kevin: Woah, that’s the first time you added to my joke!

Mr. Macknight: Do we have any deep-thinking women in our novels?
Chi: Definitely not Edna.
Sean: We have deep-thinking women with flawed logic.
Mr. Macknight: Like whom?
Sean: Edna.
Mr. Macknight: Well, she doesn’t get very deep. Well, she gets deep in the end.

Kevin, on educated female writers: Build a library in the kitchen!

Kevin: I spent most of this class trying to figure out how zippers work.

ShunYang: Is Alice Walker bisexual?
Mr. Macknight: Yes.
Kevin: Has a gay guy ever hit on you?
Momentary silence
Sean:
Is it happening now?
Kevin: You’ll never know.

Kevin: If you read the essay in a sexy voice, it won’t sound so boring.

Kevin: Is it possible to have your eyebrows be really muscular?

Mr. Macknight, on pragmatic literature: …tends to give us second-rate literature; the thriller, the romance…
Chi: The Da Vinci Code.
Allyne, face-palming: Ugh, The Da Vinci Code.
Kevin: Twilight.
Entire class: Ughh, Twilight.

Mr. Macknight: Samuel Johnson.
Kevin: Samuel Jackson?!
Class gets excited: Samuel Jackson!

ShunYang: Flaubert?
Mr. Macknight: Flaubert. Il est français.
Kevin: Sounds like a Carebear.

Kevin, on Household Gods: I’m thinking of Dobby the house elf.
Mr. Macknight: Please don’t.

Sean: It’s a ceiling.
Allyne: I think it’s a room. Why would the ceiling call itself “the ceiling”?
Chi: Yeah, I don’t call myself “the Chi”.

Last updated April 19 2011.

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